WARNING: you just bought hot pockets.

Yes, I'm aware that pretty much no one reads this thing anymore, but I really don't care. Hell, it's only origional purpose was to be a stoping ground for my literary attempts. The point was never to express information or have popularity in any of it's forms, nope. It was just for me to write if I felt like writing. And to that extent, it's been successful all this time.

And if you are, or ever have been a fan of the blog of Nick Korn, then odds are you have thought "hey, he's not that bad of a writer." (Note: I'm not (just) having dreams of granduer here. Other people have told me I'm okay at this, aand I base that statement on them. Blame them.) But really, I just write the way I speak and think. I talk to myself a lot anyhow.

See, I used to have imaginary friends. A whole lot. (we're talking 4-6 year range here, I'm not that pathetic.) But it got to the point that I knew I was taking to one of them, but I just didn't really know which one. I just imagined a whole bunch of them in a line, and I'd just start talking and assume that at least one of them was listening. Then I just lost the imaginary friend part, and now I just talk to myself. I'm fine with that. For some reason which I have not worked out (yet), when you speak, you comprehend what you're thinking in a differnet way then when you think it alone. Apparently something stupid is much easier to pick out by how it sounds then how it seems.

Dammnit it's annoying when you can see the words being typed on the screen after you've stoped typing on the keyboard.

Besides, I am totally aware of the gap between my brian and my mouth. I think really fast. When I was younger, I used to speak really quickly, and no one could tell what the hell I was saying. Then, some how by this point, I've managed to slow down my speaking so I can be heard, but I think at the same speed, so I find myself droping words in order to keep up. It's fun. Everyone once in a while you just gotta look back and wonder, "Wait, what the fuck did I just say?"

Maybe if the prseident only said that once in a while...

Bah. It's summer. I'm going to bed.

F*R*A*G:
1 down, 79 more humorus refrence to the pope to go...

ARTXORED!1!

Ahh..that's better. Still could use some tweaking, and a nice header pic, but it works for now, and that's amazing on it's own. Now I won't mind being lazy about it.

I'm off to find my copy of FFVII!

F*R*A*G:
"It's the kind of parable Jesus would have been proud to have shared with the hungry masses between bites of magical fishloaf..." -Toastyfrog review of FFVII

ZOMG HAX!1!

I apologize if you can't see this text. I can't either. This was my attempt to force my old blog layout, which was powered by Greymatter, and the new of course, powered by Blogspot, or more accurately, it was a template created by Dan Cederholm.

More to the point, both of these use CSS (cascading style sheets: basically a more freeform way to make websites look pretty), and I hate CSS. That means what you are looking at now is a bastard child of two CSS templates and my own ramshackle hard coding.

That's not why it's ugly tho.

It's ugly cause I'm only half done. It took me maybe 'round 45 minutes to make all the peices sit correctly. I still have retooled any of the colors to be...readable. And since I have some homework to do and some food to eat, it'll stay this way until...probally late tonight sometime.

I'll get to it, I swear.
F*R*A*G:
Plane? What plane?

Kicked that cricket's ass!

So quite recetly my definition of "friend" was called into question. Personally, I brought this question up long ago. However, I never shared the answer with anyone, and I suppose that's why people still wonder about that from time to time.

In truth, I never came up with an answer.

::starts playing Dashboard Confesional through a really crappy pair of speakers::

It was just too hard to be honest. Not that doing the impossible has ever stoped me before (I didn't succede, but I didn't not try. And yes, that only makes me stupid.), but it was one of those "it's beyond your power" type of impossible. It's one of those things that have to be defined on an individula basis, considering it's made up of individual experiences and perspectives. One person can see friends as those four guys who I always go drinking with on the weekends, while someone else can consider friends to be everyone who doesn't want to kill me.

So that's what made it kind of hard to define a friend. You have to deine it from scratch basically. But again, hard things don't usually stop me, but illogical things do on occasion, so I had to figure out a way to make defining a friend illogical. So I came at it from the angle that friends are generaly so on a mutual level. But, thinking about it, if each person defines a friend differently, and you can't agree on something as basics as what a friend is, then how can you be friends at all?

After that little bit of thinking, it seemed like the smarter thing to do to just not have friends.

"Give up human contact?!" you ask, "Are you insane?"

I am. But you misunderstand what I'm saying.

It goes back to the whole idea that people are individuals. So Instead of having a single defined group of "friends" that some people are stuffed into, I just started considering each person I know independently. Who I like, who knows what about what, who probally needs to have their eye gouged out with a spork if it wasn't for their usefulness which I won't let them know is the only reason I talk to them for, etc. It seems like a suprisingly cold way to consider "friends", and really it is, but I tell ya it sure does make it more easier to be able to like or hate a certain person and not have it affect your relation to others who, while aquainted with you both, are not directly related to whtever the issue is. I think this ability confuses a lot of people, but it works for me and I'd be happy to try and teach it if they asked me to.

If you thing I'm complely bullshiting this all, try to remember back to this. It's all comming together now, eh? I'm sure my logic is off a bit (a lot. Whatev's) but you sure can't deny that it's damn close enough to truth that you should start listing a bit more closely to me.

Besides, I always hated that show Friends.

But what I hated more was the way that highschool life (and a seemingly lage part of life in general) keeps trying to claim that variables are constants. Like friends. Friends come and go, but that's never really considered. They're just sort of considered to be people who are gonna be there and are gonna be your friends and are gonna follow whatever rules friends follow. Well that sure is blatantly tossed aside, considering how friends can become enemies in a remarkable short period of time. The Social structure in Highschool is remarkable volatile, so it stands out even more. But even then those enemies could become friends again, or even start going out, or any number of things. Besides, Highschool is when people are still finally making final definitions about themselves before heading out into the world to fend for themselves. Things are bound to change.

Then again, I guess it's a good things that people don't really consider that things are bound to change. I mean, times are short as they are, so why ruin good times with this horror that the are not going to last forever? Let people think as they please. I know I myself am a creature of habit who in scared of this idea that things will eventually be complely different. That why I figured I would keep from getting a girlfriend. Two many people had them and then soon had others and it all really just got messy. I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone by waiting so that I would skip all the messy social blunders tha most people have and hopefully be able to make my first my only and not have to deal with breakups and wondering if love can exist after and all those sort of torments.

That plan went out the window. And breaking up with Sheila definately was a kickoff to me "re-evaluating my preconceived decisions". By the way, one of the new decisions says that the breakup itself was probally not the worst thing that will ever happen to me, and was actually probally rather helpful to my ability to adapt to a healthy life.

And while I'm at it, I might as well go ahead and admit that all of the logic I supposedly went thru (mentioned earlier in this article (yes, I'm now going to refer to certain posts as articles.)) was mostly fabricated. I didn't "figure out a way to make defining a friend illogical". That's part of the bullshit. I do, however, consider people each sepreately from each other. That's a god honest truth. It's just something I did unconciously, and once I noticed it, I never really analysed that deeply. Didn't need to. Wasn't broken, so I didn't need to fix it. It's sort of this machecallian method to explaining myself that I have. I know something that's true, and even tho I can't really explain it (without a lot of reasearch and time), I have to come up with something that sounds like truth to make people belive me when I say it's true. And that's about eh definition of bullshit right there, so that partly explains why I've become such a good bullshitter while I've grown up. It's like reading a story, getting the moral, but not being able to rememebr the story itself so I make up a new one to pass on the moral. I'ts just the way my mind works.

By the way, I'm doing it right now. That's okay tho, becuase according to my own argument you can get the importaint part becuse even if the rest is totally wrong it still makes the right point in the end.

Gah. Now I'll try to sleep, and then tomarrow I'll tell of how my sleeping patterns have allready shifted to summer mode.

::Lies back in bed and stares at ceiling, wondering if he should put on Brand New after Dashboard, of if that will be too much for him in his current state::

F*R*A*G:
IT's funny because "services" refers to opening pickle jars, and "goods" refers to breasts.

or

Heaven sent, or just heaven scented?

You're in the military...What do you think of ninjas?

Okay, I thought I'd pop by tonight just for a quickie (to my brisith readers: No, that's not what I mean.).

I met this guy earlier. He was in the airforce, and he's been in it for about 3 years now, but he had some leave time, and while he was home he came the the WVPCUG. Sadly, he came on one of the MOST BORING NIGHTS EVER. Sucks for him.

But still, he was a cool guy, and we got to talking after the meeting, he told me something which was, by all current accounts, the most awesomest thing ever. We started talking about games and stuff, and I mentioned HL2. He told me that he played through that while he was on duty over in Iraq. And while he was over there, because his job in the air force is being a network administrator (the top computer guy that keeps all the computers running), him and all the other net admins got the biggest rigs, and every Friday was their night to play games over the LAN.

That made my day. I swear.

F*R*A*G:
Me: So wait, the key to becoming one of the great masters of art...is knowing what and how to make things look lifelike, and then blatantly disregarding all of it?
Teacher: ::The evelest glare evar::
Me: ...I broke the code, didn't I?