Questionable Proteins

A Nickel for a Noob

Imagine if you will...

It's the finals of the Counter-Strike tournament. Clan DKO versus.

The round begins, and all of the members move out...except for Spaz. Why? Let's say one of his brothers/sistes just ate through his mouse wire and he's scrambling to find a replacement.

In his absence, the battle continues, and all the members of DKO are picked off in the dwindling battle...except for Spaz, who is still at the spawn. Finally, no one is left except him, and he's finally ready to move out. He runs out, wondering where the hell everyone else has gone too.

Suddenly, a burst of AK fire brings him to concousness. He dives behind a pile of corpses for cover. As bullets whizz overhead, he finds that the corpses belong to his fallen comrades: LCom and Angelus. Just as they were preparing to "storm'a bitch", an enemy flashbang goes off between them, and they open fire. Neither one lives. While a classic example of teamkilling tragedy, Spaz is able to reap the spoils, making off with 3 of LCom's grenades and Angelus' auto-shottie.
As is his way, Spaz starts tossing the grenades every which way, somehow managing to use each one to kill an enemy, including the one who was camping the bomb which was under Airpi's corpse, blowing the bomb right into his ken.

"PLANT TSAR BOMBA!!!" The rest start screaming at him. A moment of bainless pondering later, and Spaz makes a run for the bomb. He trips over it, and slides into a room right behind the back of another enemy. Twitcher that he is, the auto-shottie completly unloads, killing the enemy and giving away the rest of his position. Now that it's empty, Spaz dropps the shottie and makes for the bomb again, this time grabbing it and heading off.

"OKAY! NOW STOP HERE AND PLANT!" Another command, this time quicker understood. Spaz crouches and begins to plant.

5

4

3

2

The sound of a single shotgun blast ends the count, and a headless Spaz slumps over the bomb.

Missed one.

The eternal own is once again acheived, and DKO misses the win by a single shot. They don't win the $10,000. However, because of his amazing and "totally bullshit lucky ass bastard" comeback ability, the tournament masters still award Spaz with a nickel. He was owned, but he deserved it.

And that's "a Nickel for a noob".

I'll explain the rest later.

F*R*A*G:
Captain! Everything is going to balls down here!

Ping!

I thought this was neat.

CRUTCH!

It reminds me of someone, but I won't say who because I think they'll kick my ass. But at least since this guy is cool that's a good thing!

Rock on, cripple man, rock on...

F*R*A*G:
I wanna bowl with the gangstas.