Kicked that cricket's ass!

So quite recetly my definition of "friend" was called into question. Personally, I brought this question up long ago. However, I never shared the answer with anyone, and I suppose that's why people still wonder about that from time to time.

In truth, I never came up with an answer.

::starts playing Dashboard Confesional through a really crappy pair of speakers::

It was just too hard to be honest. Not that doing the impossible has ever stoped me before (I didn't succede, but I didn't not try. And yes, that only makes me stupid.), but it was one of those "it's beyond your power" type of impossible. It's one of those things that have to be defined on an individula basis, considering it's made up of individual experiences and perspectives. One person can see friends as those four guys who I always go drinking with on the weekends, while someone else can consider friends to be everyone who doesn't want to kill me.

So that's what made it kind of hard to define a friend. You have to deine it from scratch basically. But again, hard things don't usually stop me, but illogical things do on occasion, so I had to figure out a way to make defining a friend illogical. So I came at it from the angle that friends are generaly so on a mutual level. But, thinking about it, if each person defines a friend differently, and you can't agree on something as basics as what a friend is, then how can you be friends at all?

After that little bit of thinking, it seemed like the smarter thing to do to just not have friends.

"Give up human contact?!" you ask, "Are you insane?"

I am. But you misunderstand what I'm saying.

It goes back to the whole idea that people are individuals. So Instead of having a single defined group of "friends" that some people are stuffed into, I just started considering each person I know independently. Who I like, who knows what about what, who probally needs to have their eye gouged out with a spork if it wasn't for their usefulness which I won't let them know is the only reason I talk to them for, etc. It seems like a suprisingly cold way to consider "friends", and really it is, but I tell ya it sure does make it more easier to be able to like or hate a certain person and not have it affect your relation to others who, while aquainted with you both, are not directly related to whtever the issue is. I think this ability confuses a lot of people, but it works for me and I'd be happy to try and teach it if they asked me to.

If you thing I'm complely bullshiting this all, try to remember back to this. It's all comming together now, eh? I'm sure my logic is off a bit (a lot. Whatev's) but you sure can't deny that it's damn close enough to truth that you should start listing a bit more closely to me.

Besides, I always hated that show Friends.

But what I hated more was the way that highschool life (and a seemingly lage part of life in general) keeps trying to claim that variables are constants. Like friends. Friends come and go, but that's never really considered. They're just sort of considered to be people who are gonna be there and are gonna be your friends and are gonna follow whatever rules friends follow. Well that sure is blatantly tossed aside, considering how friends can become enemies in a remarkable short period of time. The Social structure in Highschool is remarkable volatile, so it stands out even more. But even then those enemies could become friends again, or even start going out, or any number of things. Besides, Highschool is when people are still finally making final definitions about themselves before heading out into the world to fend for themselves. Things are bound to change.

Then again, I guess it's a good things that people don't really consider that things are bound to change. I mean, times are short as they are, so why ruin good times with this horror that the are not going to last forever? Let people think as they please. I know I myself am a creature of habit who in scared of this idea that things will eventually be complely different. That why I figured I would keep from getting a girlfriend. Two many people had them and then soon had others and it all really just got messy. I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone by waiting so that I would skip all the messy social blunders tha most people have and hopefully be able to make my first my only and not have to deal with breakups and wondering if love can exist after and all those sort of torments.

That plan went out the window. And breaking up with Sheila definately was a kickoff to me "re-evaluating my preconceived decisions". By the way, one of the new decisions says that the breakup itself was probally not the worst thing that will ever happen to me, and was actually probally rather helpful to my ability to adapt to a healthy life.

And while I'm at it, I might as well go ahead and admit that all of the logic I supposedly went thru (mentioned earlier in this article (yes, I'm now going to refer to certain posts as articles.)) was mostly fabricated. I didn't "figure out a way to make defining a friend illogical". That's part of the bullshit. I do, however, consider people each sepreately from each other. That's a god honest truth. It's just something I did unconciously, and once I noticed it, I never really analysed that deeply. Didn't need to. Wasn't broken, so I didn't need to fix it. It's sort of this machecallian method to explaining myself that I have. I know something that's true, and even tho I can't really explain it (without a lot of reasearch and time), I have to come up with something that sounds like truth to make people belive me when I say it's true. And that's about eh definition of bullshit right there, so that partly explains why I've become such a good bullshitter while I've grown up. It's like reading a story, getting the moral, but not being able to rememebr the story itself so I make up a new one to pass on the moral. I'ts just the way my mind works.

By the way, I'm doing it right now. That's okay tho, becuase according to my own argument you can get the importaint part becuse even if the rest is totally wrong it still makes the right point in the end.

Gah. Now I'll try to sleep, and then tomarrow I'll tell of how my sleeping patterns have allready shifted to summer mode.

::Lies back in bed and stares at ceiling, wondering if he should put on Brand New after Dashboard, of if that will be too much for him in his current state::

F*R*A*G:
IT's funny because "services" refers to opening pickle jars, and "goods" refers to breasts.

or

Heaven sent, or just heaven scented?